My Scariest Moment of Motherhood...Yet.

Saturday afternoon was warm enough to go outside and clean my car and Laz was going to clean up his motorcycle and Samuel of course wanted to play basketball and ride his big wheel. So I turned my car long ways across the drive way to keep Samuel out and away from the road. If he is riding his bike then he would have to hit my car before he got next to the road. My drivers side is next to the road and I was cleaning the crumbs out of my seat. I could hear Laz and Samuel talking and Samuel told him that he was going to play basketball. Well he has a small basketball goal and there is a full size goal in the drive way that he (tries) to use. I had just looked down from listening to them talk back and forth and the next thing I know I hear Laz screaming at Samuel. He had that sound in his voice that made my hair stand up and I automatically knew why he was screaming. As I looked around to my right side..I see my son running out in the street in front of a car. I dropped what was in my hands and ran after him. I did not know if the car was stopping or still going...and I did not care as long as my son was not in front of it. Samuel is so fast and he was in the grass across the street trying to shoot his ball in a basketball goal that was sitting in our neighbours yard. Needless to say I was so thankful that he was not laying in the road hurt or worse and all I wanted to do is hug him and love him but.........I could not do that. He had to know that what he did was wrong and never forget that it was wrong. So I marched him across the street...after we looked both ways. He was high stepping and his feet barely touched the pavement because I had him by the arm and I was walking so fast and trying not to lose my composure in front of the whole neighbourhood. We got in the house and needless to say he got in major, major, trouble. Then more yelling and explaining and then came the crying. Me telling him that he would get a boo boo that Mommy could not fix and then I started just getting so upset that I told him that Mommy and Daddy would not ever get to see him again if he got hurt really bad and mommy just could not live without him. It may have not been the right words to say to a 4 and half year old..but at that moment...what was the right words? All this happened within 5 minutes.....but it felt like a lifetime. And what does he say to me with tears in his eyes from the sore bottom???? "Mommy its ok Samuel's here." Thank God he was there. All I could do was march him upstairs and we sat on his bed and of course I was still crying and giving a lecture and telling him he could not go back outside. Then he hugged me and told me it was ok. I hugged him so hard and just thanked God that I could. Then told him he had to stay in his room.
As I walked out of his room I began to think about the day we had spent together previous to all the drama. Ohh my gosh...what a horrible mother I am. He had been in trouble most of the day for not listening and just flat out being a turd....and all I did was scold him. Oh my what if that trip across the street would have ended different? Would that be how.....Well I can't even finish that sentence. Now I am crying!! So today I woke up and decided that I did not want my son to remember me yelling at him or on his case for stupid stuff. I just need to remember to pick my battles better....and not let 2 weeks straight of us being together 24/7 make me a crazy person. God shook my tree yesterday and gave me a big wake up. I needed it in a big way. What would I ever do without my precious, beautiful, special boy? I just love him so very much. Ohh and for the record..no more playing basketball out front. Backyard it is...until he is 20.

These are my natural light shots for today. We went out to the park and let him run out all his energy. Today was our art show and Samuel behaved so well and we were so proud of him so he even got ice cream today.