A Test of My Faith.

The past week has been very interesting for me where my child is concerned. I have had to depend on my faith and trust in God to deal with situations and making decisions for him this week. All moms understand the nagging, hurting, uneasy sick feeling in our stomachs that we get when we think something is wrong or just not right with our children. In my opinion that is the radar that God gave me when I had Samuel to help guide me in the right direction and make the right decisions for him. Well today I made the decision to take my son out of his school and send him to a new school. I don't really want to comment on the *why* part. It was like God was stomping on my head telling me to do it. So I did it. I cried alot just because Samuel had made some friends and changing his routine and environment is very hard for him and I did not want to have to put him through that. But I had to remember in the long run he will get the attention and the therapy he needs at this new school.

He will start Kindergarten in the Fall and will be going to this school anyway. So I guess he will just be starting a little earlier. I asked the special needs director what the cost was going to be for Pre-K so that we would be prepared and he told me it would cost us....get this...not one penny!!!! I just about dropped the phone and had to ask him to repeat himself. I could not believe it. Since when do you get something wonderful for nothing...uhhh...never! Samuel would also get physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy and what ever other therapy he might also need and this is all included. All of this was presented to me a month ago but I did not see it working out because he would have no daycare at this new school and no daycare during this coming Summer. I work nights and I was not sure how I would ever get any sleep. Well again I am depending on my faith and that God will provide us with what we need. Me..needing sleep and Samuel needing a good education and therapy. So I took my leap of faith...I know that God has opened a door for us and even though change is hard for all of us we will make it. I am scared about working all night and coming home to a bright eyed and bushy tailed boy..but I have done it a many times before. We will get through the Summer and when school starts I will sleep when he is in school. Sounds like a plan to me.

My family and I have some possible big plans in our future...if everything works out...and if it's Gods will. I can't really elaborate about it right now, but I feel like a lot of things will get better for us.

I can say this..that we have been very blessed where Samuel and Autism is concerned. He has improved by leaps and bounds the past month. This may not seem like a big deal to some but here are the major accomplishments that he had done. See this penguin....that is the first thing he has ever colored in his life. Just one day all of a sudden its like a light switch came on and he could not stop coloring for days. My husband came home and told me "Well I have to tell you what happened at school today." I just cringed because it is usually something negative, and I was not in the mood for that. He began to tell me that Samuel started coloring today and that when he started he did not stop until the whole thing was colored. The other kids even went outside for a walk but Sammy did not want to go..he had to finish his penguin. I just started crying right there in the kitchen. I was so proud of him and that penguin. So when I got to school I look at it in the hall outside his classroom and of course the tears came again because for once my son had something to hang out in the hall for all to see. "Proud Mommy Moment" So now he is starting to cut with scissors, play (with) other children..to a certain degree, and the biggie..he is talking in sentences, asking questions, and telling us what he wants. I think we are kicking Autism in the behind parts. Yes... we still have struggles and many a mountain to climb yet, but it is one victory at a time. We have been blessed with many victories the past month. During Easter dinner at my cousins house my whole family could see the change in Samuel. It made me feel so much better and validated that the work that Laz and I are doing with him is making a difference.

I have started to listen to my heart and trust in my faith again. The people in my life that do nothing but put me down or just toss me to the side when they think they have found something better have really hurt me the past few months. But God is healing my heart and giving me the courage and strength to put it past me and to move on *without my normal give-em H**l attitude. I have just retreated and figured I am better off. God has brought back to me what I did not know I was missing...People in my life that love me...for me...that know me and accept me for who I am...respect me as a friend...an keep me positive. I thought I had that before with a some...but I guess I did not. It was just dressed up to look that way...I fell for it.. and that is what broke my heart the most. So I am cleaning house with myself so to speak and getting my life back under control. It has not been an easy year and God has made me go through many an test and trial but in the end He has made me a stronger mother, wife, friend and woman and I am so thankful for it.